Blonde Jokes

1 min read    176 comments

Are we at Local Life the sort of sad and pathetic people who will milk a nation's genetic make-up and a tired stereotype in order to get a few cheap laughs? Damn right we are! Having trawled (...and believe us, it was like sifting for gold in Lake Ulemiste with a collander!) the internet for Blonde Jokes we 'proudly' present the best of the worst.

Feel free to impress your mates by reeling one out whenever your distinct lack of social skills threatens to create an embarrassing pause in the conversation.

Above: Remember never to leave your laptop in a blonde's bathroom!


Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduce herself.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

Q: Why don't blondes read Shakespeare?
A: They don't know who wrote it.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Comments

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Riaan
South Africa

Do more blondes

Reply Oct 5th, 2018
Lcj
United States

I'm a blonde and these have got old you need to find new ones not impressed

Reply Oct 2nd, 2018
kat humphries

Im sooooo ofended!!!! but some of them were funny

Reply Aug 18th, 2018
kat humphries

Im sooooo ofended!!!! but some of them were funny

Reply Aug 18th, 2018
Guest
Germany

funny

Reply Jul 5th, 2018
Guest
Italy

Why did the blonde dyed his hair to black?

Reply Jun 24th, 2018
kat humphries

why?

Reply Aug 18th, 2018
Guest
New Zealand

i just love how none of these jokes are funny

Reply Jun 24th, 2018
Guest

nope. not a one. not even offensive because they are just so bad. not even funny in a 'funny because they are bad' kind of way. just leaves you feeling empty inside and worried about the world that someone ever thought it was funny.

Reply Sep 4th, 2018
Conley
United States

Chloe I hope you are token seriously

Reply Nov 11th, 2017
Rick
United States

LMFAO... I think it's hilarious reading comments the ones made by people with no sense of humor makes me laugh but then again it's because of your ignorance that causes arguments it's understandable every one has there own opinions but damn put a pad on have a laugh move on stop your crying and move on with your life boo hoo to you

Reply Oct 8th, 2017
Guest

these would have to be funny for someone with a sense of humor to get them... but if youre getting offended by something written by someone without two brain cells to knock together then you seriously need to love yourself more because you are being hurt by a primordial ooze. as for you rick. we both know that you're so stupid you're actually an active part of the devolution of civillization. so just shut up.

Reply Sep 4th, 2018
Chloe
Canada

I am a blonde and I have to say these were offensive to me.. the last two especially.. just because we are blonde does not mean we are " stupid" and " easily convinced" . I get that they're jokes and that some people find them funny but really these are stereotypes, and they're aggravating. I am a A student, and I would liked to be token seriously not as if I'm a stupid and ditzy blonde.

Reply Aug 2nd, 2017
Marina Morgan
United Kingdom

Change token to taken

Reply Nov 15th, 2017
aaron
United States

it ''taken'' not token proves ur just a blond

Reply Dec 17th, 2017
Jordan
United States

Dude. I'm a blonde. It doesn't matter. If you hated them why did you look up blonde jokes

Reply Aug 16th, 2018
Oscar

S/b "I am an A student." Apparently you flunked grammar.

Reply Aug 29th, 2018
Guest

Apparently, you flunked basic human compassion. But well done, you can point out the grammar mistakes of random people on the internet. How original. Who the hell cares, Oscar. For all you know English is her 5th language but she has serious self esteem issues because of years of bullying by idiots like you. I would pick a dumb blonde as president over you any day.

Reply Sep 4th, 2018
Jada
Colombia

I'm a natural blonde and these are funny, you need to clam down and take a joke. its people like you that need to get deported by that umpa lumpa yall call your president

Reply Jan 26th, 2017
Babs
Sweden

I'm a natural swedish blonde woman I found these jokes insulting degrading & slandering ! To the natural blondes who said the jokes are insulting you also find the jokes funny you are being double standard hypocrite ! To the people who say lighten up well you never been the one to suffer from the outcome because these jokes are taken literally & people mistreat abuse & even so much rape a beautiful blonde woman because the true idiot is the people who think these jokes are true about blonde women & these jokes make our lives miserable so stop ! I'm repulsed by this tired stereotype because I have paid many prices for being a Swedish Blonde Woman including RAPE ! STOP !

Reply Dec 27th, 2016
Marina Morgan
United Kingdom

My heart goes out to you I have suffered as a child and as an adult all because of men and their sick fantasies. I to landed up raped by a person I loved. I dyed my hair brunette just so I could feel safe, it has been brunette ever since my late 20's. I lost confidance within myself and feel I have lost my identity , all because of predujice jokes and bad attitudes. Now as a brunette I dont get unwanted attention life is calm and contented for me. Everyone is different and copes in different ways, I walk away from idiots that do harm and that is the best way to deal with them they will never change.

Reply Nov 15th, 2017
Oscar

Apparently you have issues because you were reading the jokes first- then commenting which leads me to my question - why don't you go back to Sweden? Just asking

Reply Aug 29th, 2018
Lindsay
Estonia

I'm a blonde and I still find these jokes funny. I was in AC and all honors since middle school. I graduated college with a 4.0 Just because we are blonde does not mean we are stupid. don't listen to society. When you hear blonde jokes think of other blondes and it won't affect you. Keep your head up ladies, don't let them get the best of us. ♡

Reply Jun 25th, 2016
alyssa
United States

It has been scientifically shown that hair color does not effect how smart you are. I am blonde and I find blonde bones offensive when they are directed at me and understand why others think they are offensive.I get A's and B's.

Reply Apr 30th, 2016
India
Australia

I'm not a blonde so these aren't insulting to me, but I find them funny. The only one I found insulting was the 'legs not touching' one, and I actually found that really insulting. But these are jokes, and its society's fault for making blondes look dumb. Not just one particular person. Just because people find these jokes funny, it doesn't mean that we are mean.

Reply Jan 25th, 2016
Guest
Estonia

I'm blonde and I thought those were pretty funny

Reply Jan 6th, 2016
Alison
United States

Why do people find this funny? I am blond, I can't spell, I nearly failed math. But these are just insulting. My friends are blond, and you know what they never have to deal with this. It's called they are white blond, dirty blond and in advanced classes. But two of us aren't. And you know what, we are supposedly "dumb blonds". And whenever I tell someone to stop insulting us, it turns in to my fault! I'm too sensitive, take things to seriously. But I don't. Anyone who reads this type of site and finds them funny, I hope I NEVER meet you. Just know you have hurt a lot of people, and if you continue to do so because it's fun, then know I hate you. Because you are no better than a bully.

Reply Oct 2nd, 2015
Hanna
United States

According to me and my neighborhood the blond jokes are racist

Reply Jul 7th, 2015
layla
Australia

I love blond jokes mate even though im a blond

Reply Apr 23rd, 2015
Guest
Estonia

Stephie, there is no need to be offended. It doesn't mean that blondes aren't smart, I'm a blonde and I am smarter then a burnette

Reply Apr 15th, 2015
LW
United States

I'm a brunette, and you can't even spell that correct. So now who's smarter? LOL

Reply May 3rd, 2015
stephie
New Zealand

These jokes are not for me because usually i do not laugh at jokes.Also I am a natural blonde and these are really offensive to me.just because we are blondes does not mean we are stupid.

Reply Apr 12th, 2015
Monica
United States

I love reading these jokes because I'm a natural blonde and there times when I can see myself doing stuff like this.

Reply Apr 1st, 2015
United States

a merry heart (laughter) is medicine to the soul! Don't take the hair color so personal ,its a joke ,sub whatever works for you!

Reply Aug 31st, 2014

wonderfully delightful

Reply Aug 31st, 2014
Hayley
New Zealand

I am a natural blonde. These jokes are offensive to me but still very very very funny

Reply Jan 17th, 2014
kat humphries

Thats what i think two offensive but funny (im a natural too)

Reply Aug 18th, 2018
kat humphries

Thats what i think two offensive but funny (im a natural too)

Reply Aug 18th, 2018
Koffler12:
United States

I'm a guy and i thought most of these jokes were funny

Reply Nov 20th, 2013
Matthew
Australia

HA HA HA ...not only 3 of them were funny

Reply Apr 26th, 2013
heaven
United States

Those r really funny!

Reply Oct 3rd, 2012
heaven
United States

Those r really funny!

Reply Oct 2nd, 2012
ginger
United Kingdom

hey i thought these jokes were lol and hey im a red head so yaeh but dont be offended blonde are cute :)

Reply Oct 2nd, 2012
kat humphries

Thx IK I`m cute

Reply Aug 18th, 2018
United States

I hate you. I'm a natural blonde, and I bet I'm smarter than you.

Reply Sep 21st, 2012
Monica
United States

That's a suprise since it comes from a blonde

Reply Apr 1st, 2015
kat humphries

o_o owch

Reply Aug 18th, 2018
xxhahaxx
New Zealand

Haha funny :) I have absoulutley nothing against blonde people all my friends are blonde and are really smart! But I still think even though people being judged by their hair colour is ridiculous we can still sometimes laugh about it :)

Reply Aug 17th, 2012
Anna
United States

Hysterical!

Reply Jun 14th, 2012
None Ya Business
United States

I LOVE blonde jokes, even though I am a blonde. Because I don't get offended unless they are used to get back at me! But besides that, I ABSOLUELY LOVEE BLONDE JOKES!!!!!

Reply May 17th, 2012
anonomous
United States

I dont talk to people anymore because of these kind of jokes. Thanks world!

Reply Dec 23rd, 2011
bigbob
United Kingdom

the jokes are wicked and any blonde that says they ar'nt stupid they're right they ar'nt stupid......they just have to common sense lool

Reply Apr 4th, 2011
Jc from Philly
United States

What do you call a brunette in between two blondes..... Translator. =)

Reply Nov 20th, 2010
Monica
United States

LOL

Reply Apr 1st, 2015
kj eroupe
Australia

im dum and im blnde hiw du u spell blnde? i forgot bekus im blonde

Reply Oct 11th, 2010
Austen
United Kingdom

Why are you all arguing ladies? You are all beautiful im sure:-) make love not war!

Reply Mar 10th, 2010
kyla
United Kingdom

i have blonde hair and blondes being dumb is not true most of the girls in the top sets have blonde hair at are school i mean you wouldn't put jokes about black people on the interent unless you were racist so why blonde jokes don't you think its a little offensive! Any blonde people who are like that are just faking to get attention! brunette are no smarter infact i friend was telling me a blonde joke which she didn't even get yet i did and i have blonde hair!

Reply Feb 25th, 2010
guest
United States

So its true about blondes PMS ing too...

Reply May 24th, 2016
Danish Blonde
Australia

Well, I'm a natural platinum blonde because I come from a Scandinavian background. I don't really care how blondes are stereotyped, because in the end, everyone knows that intellect isn't dependant on hair colour. There are just girls who think it's cool to 'dumb themselves down' because they think guys will like them better, it's sad and it happens amongst brunettes too.

Reply Jan 11th, 2010
Blondie
United Kingdom

I am blond (natural, not bleached) and and we are SO not dumb..most blonds fake being dumb to "Look cute". And blonds are hotter than other colors because we have fair skin and beautiful features! TEEHEE!! Haven't y'all heard Brunettes are boring and Blonds have more fun! :D

Reply Dec 19th, 2009
LMFAO
United Kingdom

Blondes are not necessarily hotter; it is a matter of opinion.

Reply May 24th, 2016
Grammar check
United States

These jokes are mildly funny. I am a natural brunette whose been dying her hair blonde for a few years. It 'suits me'. Anyway, for all you claiming to be smart, maybe you should have paid more attention in ENGLISH CLASS. This is NOT a topic to use chatspeak. I mean, it is kind of difficult for people to believe that you are smart 'wen u talk lik dis' you just seem ignorant. Thank you.

Reply Sep 14th, 2009
Bunny Boo x
United States

I'm a true blonde! :D I loved the jokes teehee x i have to admit i didn't get some of them lol :S :D But wen i eventually did, i laughed lds :D Yep, we can be smart when we wana be, bt to tell you the truth; it's just too much effort. So we stick 2 being dumb :P :D Love the Jokes Bunny Boo x x

Reply May 13th, 2009
University Blonde
Canada

Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can understand them. I find it kind of funny that the vast majority of the self-proclaimed 'smart' brunette commenters have such terrible spelling. Oh, the irony! Cute jokes, though!

Reply Apr 21st, 2009
Tommy
Estonia

Do not fight hair color racism with more prejudice. Thats like insulting Hitler by saying things like you are dumber than a Jew. I dont appreciate you insulting males. I am a blonde dude, and these are bullshit jokes, but you are starting something else entirely.

Reply Oct 7th, 2014
person
United States

HAHA the first long one is hilarious!!

Reply Apr 17th, 2009
xerex
United States

was the boss a guy or girl?

Reply Apr 16th, 2009
Antonia (Blonde!!)
United Kingdom

People need to chill out abit. A joke is a joke, people need to learn to laugh at themselves sometimes. Its a silly stereotype that blondes are dumb, but these jokes arn't specifically aiming to offend. I'm blonde, I have three A levels in Maths, Chemistry and Biology. That throughs the stereotype but I can still laugh at blonde jokes as I know they ae not specifically aimed at me or any indevidual for that fact!

Reply Apr 7th, 2009
Blonde and proud of it
United States

im blonde and....well some of these i didnt get,im sorry im just not as smart as some people...but the ones that i did get are funny!

Reply Apr 6th, 2009
Hannah
Algeria

Blondes and ESPECIALLY reds are HOT. The meanies who joke are NOT.

Reply Mar 30th, 2009
SarahMoorex3
United Kingdom

Tbh, people need to relax about these jokes, im naturally platinum blonde and i know its not true that blondes are stupid, just learn to laugh (:

Reply Mar 25th, 2009
kanbby
United States

ok look i have probably had the hardest time with blonde jokes and these are FUNNY!!!!!!!

Reply Mar 24th, 2009
United States

First of all these blonde jokes aren't funny but they are discriminating. Not all blondes are retarded. I'm a blonde and most of my family and friends think i'm smart due to staight A's all in school.

Reply Mar 17th, 2009
Brittnee beca
Australia

lol they are really funny jokes but i think you should have more

Reply Feb 24th, 2009
myka3
United States

Those of you who are critizing Emily for saying the "dead hair particles and smartness," thing you should because even though she is blonde she happens to be right about it, and she has a point...looked it up and it is true...but what is blonde about it...the way she said it, not what she said...thats what makes a blonde, blonde...

Reply Feb 21st, 2009
Myka
United States

first of all, I think that you are all funny idiot who have no life...Second some brunettes would do themselves a favour to die their hair blonde no matter how bad it works because it just suites them...but are blonde like realy that dumb...I mean is their like anything wrong with clarifying information (haha blonde moment)blondes my seem to do dumb things, but dumb people are not stupid they are curious ppl, stupid is like retarded...as such ppl who do dumb things are smart for taking risk...blonde minds might seem dumb at times...but it is the mind of the blonde becomes famous...like ablert einstein was like suppose to be retarded because he couldnt read, but invented quantum physics...my point being that those who are dumb are genius...and those are lik well i dont know are just stupid regardless of being blonde.

Reply Feb 21st, 2009
Carl C
United States

I love blonde jokes, if they are not too mean spirited. I have to admit that of all the girls and women I have admired the most, two thirds were...blondes! Claudia Schiffer RULES!

Reply Feb 16th, 2009
Frazzie-the-boy
United Kingdom

I absolutely love blonde jokes because they are true. I loved these jokes but some I read in a joke book... is someone copying them.

Reply Feb 12th, 2009
Amity
Australia

excuse me but some blondes are actully smart such as me. maybe not all the time but hey, who is perfect. But I LOVE blonde jokes :)

Reply Feb 8th, 2009
Blonde Betty
United States

The smartest person I have ever met is a blonde. My very good brunette friend asked where the Boston massacre was. Another brunette thinks she lives in a giant bucket. No joke. She's not special, just dumb.

Reply Feb 6th, 2009
brown hair
United States

go brunettes

Reply Jan 28th, 2009
blondie5

go blondes! We r not as stupid as we seem! lol i mean they r just jokes get a grip!

Reply Jan 24th, 2009
sillytart971
Antigua And Barbuda

why do they make these jokes about blondes-half of us aren't dumb and party. brunettes prob party more than us and get more guys. not all blondes are pretty and love pink and do what the steriotype says we do! im dying my hair brown cause i think its hotter! also it makes u look thinner! lol GO BRUNETTES-although blondes are awesome too! haha

Reply Jan 24th, 2009
United States

omg im that kinda blonde.. and didnt get some of those jokes they were still super funny :-p

Reply Jan 14th, 2009
Lana
United Kingdom

Blondes may have more fun but brunettes remember it the next day

Reply Jan 10th, 2009
Helena
South Africa

LOL!! Good jokes guys, I really enjoyed that!!

Reply Dec 30th, 2008
milly
United States

ok, listen. all blondes r not dumb. im blonde but you shouldnt take a blonde joke so much to heart. everyone has a dumb moment at one point in time. just like "little johny" jokes, not every one named Johny isnt pissed off! wtf ppl. u need to get over getting offended by everything and just have a laugh!

Reply Dec 16th, 2008
Claire
United States

Lol, even if not all blondes are dumb we need SOMEONE to make the jokes about. We can just go "the dumb person almost got caught" we have to have someone. Just Get the **** over it!!

Reply Nov 4th, 2008
BLONDEandHOT
United States

hahaha really funny and im the biggest blonde too lol literally i love being blonde and guys dont seem to mind either so i dont get offened be jealousy jokes =)

Reply Nov 4th, 2008
vand
United States

The blondes posting on this comment page are reinforcing their stereotype.

Reply Mar 1st, 2008
A.J.
United States

Really good jokes, In response to Emily, most blonde jokes are based on bleached blondes, chicks who think that hair color will make them hotter; It's a shame really, brunettes are the hottest

Reply Mar 1st, 2008
Thumper
Canada

some of those jokes are very funny ,but some so not make sense!!!

Reply Feb 17th, 2008
blondes are funny
United States

wow blondes can do stupid things somethimes but they are all not stupid. my girlfriend is blonde and shes not stupid. i dont care about the jokes but sterio typing all blondes to be stupid is wrong

Reply Dec 28th, 2007
.B.E.N.
Australia

OMG! those jokes are so funny. i showed my friends and they read them all abpout 10 times. and are still laughing when i speak about them! Thanx!

Reply Dec 15th, 2007
none ya
United States

Dear Blonde, You say that Harvard and all those other places wanted you. For what, sure in the heck wasn't for your spelling because sweetie you sure can't spell. You need to come back to reality, take a look in the mirror and get over yourself. I don't really care what color your hair is if you are gonna talk smack at least know what you are talking about. Now that's dumb!!!!

Reply Dec 15th, 2007
Alex
United States

here is another joke: A blond is walking down the street when she sees a tv she really wants to buy.So she askes the sales man how much it is and he said," Sorry. We dont sell to dumb blonds. That night she went home and died her hair red. The next day she asked the sales man the same thing.And again he said," Sorry. we dont sell to dumb blonds. She went home and died her hair black and went back the next dayand asked again. the sales man said the same thing so she dies her hair beown and asked again. Still, the sales man repeated," We dont sell to dumb Blonds!!!" Then the blond said," How do u know I'm blond? I went home and died my hair 3 times! Why cant i buy that tv?" Then the sales man said," Because! Its an oven!"

Reply Dec 15th, 2007
Simcha
United States

A Blond walks in to the Library "I'd like a burger and fries please" she says, "Miss this is a Library" the librarian replies. *whispers* "Sorry i would like burgers and fries please"

Reply Dec 12th, 2007
katie
United States

that hattie girl is so stuck up

Reply Dec 12th, 2007
Hattie
United Kingdom

i would just like to say to the blonde who said that blondes have more fun and stuff well we dont make fun of you, some of my best friends are blondes and they are smarter than me, we dont mean it, haircolour doesn't matter, its the person. but they are just funny and they cheer you up, everyone knows that blondes arent really stupid. Dont get offended any blondes, the joke could be made with brunettes. but you have to admit that they are funny and you probably did laugh or at least smile when you read the jokes. x

Reply Dec 12th, 2007
blondie
United States

Blondes are the best! What is with the world and making fun of blondes? wait..don't answer that, i'll answer it. YOU ARE ALL JELOUSE THAT YOU AREN"T AS HOT AS US!!! Just so you know, i have natural platnume blonde hair. I was the most popular girl from kindergarden to my senior high shcool year. And yet Princeton, Hrarvard, Yale, Stanford, and USC have all ofered me scholarcships 1ust for being SMART! most blondes i know are actually smart. so stop wasting your time critizising blondes and do something valuable with your time. Like they say: BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN!!!

Reply Dec 9th, 2007

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