A Cock and Bull Story?
Many legends surround the pilgrim, mystic and faith-healer Grigori Rasputin, one-time advisor to the Romanov family and, as Boney M famously put it, 'Russia's greatest love machine'. However of all the famous fables, few are quite as long-winded or amusing as the stories directly concerned with the Mad Monk's gigantic genitalia. Since the Siberian's assassination in 1916 many people have claimed to own the penis of the dead man, with one prominent Russian doctor currently displaying what he upholds is the real Rasputin rooter in his museum in St. Petersburg.
Hang on a minute! How can anyone claim to have grabbed hold of such a schlong when surely the Russian mystic and royal advisor was buried with his tackle intact? Well not so according to some, who would have us believe that a maid came into possession of the prize privates after Rasputin's death. Some say that Rasputin was castrated by his assasins and that a maid found the dismembered... Errr... member when cleaning up the next day. Others claim that the canny wench, one of the hairy man's many bedtime conspirators, severed the sausage as a souvenir after the autopsy.
Whatever the (un)truth of the matter, the (alleged) fact is that Rasputin's ramrod was at large in the world. And much like in its making hay-day, the beast was wont to wander. In fact it next turned up in 1920s Paris, where a group of Russian ex-patriates worshipped the wonder weiner, certain that it would bring them fertility.
However, on finding out about this crazy cult, Marie Rasputin (the Mad Monk's daughter) expressed her extreme disapproval of such goings-on and demanded the return of daddy's dong. However, just when it seemed that the saintly shaft had finally shrunk from the annals, it popped up again in 1994 for a final hurrah.
It happened that Michael Augustine of California aquired the jolly John Thomas by accident when he purchased the effects of one Dr. Ripple in 1977. Dr. Ripple had collaborated with Marie Rasputin on a hagiography of her father, and so had inherited the whopper willy on Marie's demise. Or had she? Well after Michael Augustine sold the item in question to Bonham's auction house, tests were done and the would-be winkle turned out to be not a penis at all - but a dessicated sea-cucumber.
And that was the (bell) end of that? No, siree. The latest twist in the trouser snake saga involves eminent Russian doctor Igor Knyazkin, head physician of the Prostate Centre of Russia's Academy of Sciences. The good doctor proudly opened the nation's first Museum of Erotica in 2004 (in a sexual health clinic!) in order to display some of the 15,000 items he has amassed during his time as a sex objects collector. Amongst them - you guessed it - is none other than the alleged appendage of the Mad Monk himself.
An impressive 11 inches (nearly 30cm) long, and as thick as most men's wrists, the pickled pecker certainly measures up to the reports of Rasputin's raking rapier - which according to his daughter Marie (we're afraid to ask how she would know this!) was a whopping 13 inches long when pointing skywards.
So Dr. Knyazkin's exhibit looks the part - so to speak - but is it really the genuine johnson? Well, no tests have been conducted on the mummified monster, which raises one's suspicions, whilst the general consensus amongst zoologists is that the ostracised organ most likely once belonged to a horse or bovine animal...
Making the tool tale of Rasputin's penis, quite literally, a cock and bull story.
More sleaze Vicar?
I had no idea there were so many ways to say “big dick”. Thank you, author.Reply
Red flag red flag red flag!!! How revolting. This must be the new norm for some. SMH in disgust. Absolutely no respect! Just perverted judgement & assumption. Anything to draw attention towards ignorance & stupidity.Reply
Very amused. All of a sudden, very warm.Reply
look like mine :/Reply
I would love to suck such a big cock!Reply
That looks like a horse dick.Reply
Ra ra rasputin, russias greatest love machineReply
I don't believe this is actually Rasputin's johnson. However, it looks nothing like a sea cucumber. I suspect it probably belongs to some animal. Or another person. But... if it's a person, I'd like to know how they got it. Because if it's human, it's a crime in some form or other. Anyway, we will never truly know.Reply
mind blowing story.its a great story for sex scarReply
we are with you.keep on demanding.its your right.Reply
its circumside if it was animal it would have forskin to cover the head glandReply
Interesting article but extremely unlikely and difficult to believe there is much truth in it. Seems rather fictitious to me ! I am inclined to believe the Sea Cucumber or Horse/Bovine animal explanation myself but no one will ever know the real truth just like many of life and history's conundrums !Reply
Utterly enjoyed this story. I am so glad that I read it.Reply
i just don't believe thisReply
Great article, very funny :)Reply
Loved the article! Reached here after reading the whole wiki about him but this one is more interestingly written! You Rock, Author!Reply
What a beautifully written piece...plenty of laughs there. Mikelefou from France .....you have seen bigger, they must make them BIG over there?? Wee weeReply
I have seen bigger in the showers at my local rugby club! Not that rare believe me...Reply
I really doubt it…Reply
You're as delusional as Ra Ra himself unless your rugby club are all fools and horses.Reply
Well, no one will believe this, but I'm a dependent of Rasputin's through my paternal grandmother. The family has letters and books that prove it. No magical powers, 13 inch dong, or evil inclinations inherited.Reply
That should read "descendant", not dependant, sorry.Reply
I am a decendant of the great Guitary Guitar the III, former Lord of Dongerland. No one believes me but I assure you that he is my ancestorReply
I thought this was funny to be honest !Reply
Loved the alliteration. Good work.Reply
Very well written. Who is the author of this article? Please take a well earned credit.Reply
Wow Rasputin was so dangerous now I can understand why is many women interest in him if he still live in this time hi can be a good porno star lolReply
To be fair, I think his manipulative personality and charisma is what attracted people. It wasn't only women either. Though I think the size of his penis is more of an urban legend. Anyway, don't get too excited about him... he was also a rapist.Reply
Rasputin was huge!Reply
While reading this article, I was laughing so hard I had trouble breathing. I still have tears on my cheeks. I just love all the different, poetic synonyms you come up with to describe Rasputin's cock. Several years ago, I Googled "Rasputin" out of curiosity. The first title to come up was Rasputin at Wikipedia, and the second was..."Rasputin's Penis." Also at Wikipedia. I remember showing my sister, and how hard we both laughed at the probable troll article. Well, sadly, that article was taken down. But I'm glad to have found this one! I'll be sharing this on FB now.Reply
Interesting…But it's closed. :/Reply
Such a little thingReply
The museum is shutted down according to my visit to Petersburg at Feb 12.Reply
Walked all the way to the museum there was a sign saying it had 'closed forever' I don't know where the member has gone.Reply
Great story. Tried finding my way to the museum this past weekend to see the 'artifact' but failed finding the place. It seems to have been shut down?Reply
The people who have written comments on the article are liars.Reply
who ever wrote this article is a total legend!!!Reply
I've seen bigger than that in my mirror.Reply
He's half the man I am ;)Reply
Oh.!! really that is very extraordinary. Concerning Rasputin's abnormal capabilities, I think this organ would be another result of the self miraculous power which he had.Reply